Journal Time!

Body and Soul | March 31, 2023

I saw her, walking away from the strobe lights and fizzy drinks. A great big party was being had. Perhaps it was too big for her; that is what it seemed to me, anyways. She often did this. It was so often all too much.

I strode over to find her alone, outside the window. Soul loved the outdoors. It wasn't noisy nor polluted nor corrupted. Not this patch, anyways. She sat on damp earth. Hurrying over to her side, I called out to her.

"Soul! Why did you run away?"

"You know why," she dryly responded. Indeed I did. I saddled up next to her. Our gazes meandered around but we mostly stared down.

"So you know why I'm here."

"Yes."

"You know why I'm doing this."

"Yes."

"You can't keep running away. There is everything out there. That party is all where everyone else is. You can't keep running away to your safe little corners where nothing happens and everything stays the same."

"That's easy for you to say. You get to move forward. You can believe you've forgotten all that has happened. You know how much the party hurts."

"I don't... I don't think I do."

Drum beats echoed even here, in this secluded place beyond the window. The party was still going on. I don't think it noticed our absence.

"Look, I'm going to go back. I want you with me. I can't do this alone."

"..."

"You know you're okay. Things are better now. Things will get better."

"..."

"And things will get worse. Come on, the party is waiting for us. Let's go make fools of ourselves! It'll be fun. Well, fun in retrospect."

"...You go ahead."

I couldn't leave her. I wish I could, but where would I be without her? But I just couldn't get through to her that everything is going to be okay. I explain and I plead and I scream and I cry that things will be okay. But she doesn't... get it. Why can't she get it?

"You know... I don't know how much more of this I can take."

"Soul, don't say that. We've always been fine. We'll keep with that trend. We've always made it out."

"This time is different, Body. I swear, it feels different."

"Soul..."

"I can see the edge but not where the drop goes, and I'm captivated. I can't look away. I'm... I'm so scared. And you want me to... party?"

"..."

I got up. I took a raspy breath, and turned around. I went back in through the window. I felt sparkles of light dance across my body. I tried to dance. I tried, believe me.

Soul found me curled up on a couch, where the lights were dim and the sounds grew faint. I don't like to imagine what I looked like.

"Body... are you okay?"

"No. Not really."

"Mmm... take your time. The party is still there. It always will be."

"I can't... do this. I don't know how to help you. I can barely handle myself. It hurts knowing how much you hurt."

She puts her hand on my cheek. "Sssh..."

"We should have been fine…"

"Sssh..."

"I'm so sorry..."

"We'll figure it out. Just... let's stay here a while."

We've been there ever since. Sometimes we go back through the window. Sometimes we stand along the periphery of the party. But mostly we stayed right there. I don't know if we'll figure it out. We're trying.

What's wrong with me?

- Ice King, Adventure Time