Journal Time!

College is Future is Wack | August 29, 2023

I met with my boyfriend for the first time. It was incredible. I lost what is probably my last bit of virginity while I was out there, too. I wish I could have stayed forever. Infinite snuggles sounds like a good time...

But now I'm back home. I'm back home for less than a month. In the next few weeks, I'll be going down to San Diego, and I'll be... staying there. It will be my... home? I'm not sure what to call it. I'm not even sure if I will like it.

I know I'm just scared of the future is all. I'm psyching myself out, as per usual. And as per usual, saying that aloud doesn't really help too much. But oh well.

I do hope everything I have worked for, in this relationship and outside of it, can be conserved as I go out into the world. I worry that it'll have all been for nothing. But maybe sometimes... it's okay to let good things go.

But that isn't really the point. And I know it isn't. I know happiness in the moment is and always will be worth it. I just hate when the things I once had are taken from me. I suppose that's a fairly childish notion, that everything that once was must always be. Security is something I know I can live without. I just have to be brave.

You're braver than you think, Courage.

- Muriel, Courage the Cowardly Dog