Journal Time!

I think I fucked up and I'm still okay | October 1, 2023

I miss intimacy. I miss having someone to hug and snuggle and do things with all of the time. It really hurts not having that. I am not entirely sure why.

I think I took that out on other people. It might not be the angry kind of taking things out on people, but it still was a manifestation of my own problems. I moved too fast, hugged and cuddled too much for normal people's liking. I think I exhausted one of them. And that's not good.

I don't want to exhaust people, but I don't know how to be true to myself without being true to the fact I'm a touch-starved loser. What am I supposed to do about that? What am I supposed to do about anything? It feels like I just don't get how to deal with people. It makes me sad.

I just have to appreciate a good thing. I need to expand my social sphere. I need to meet and talk with people. I need to get to know them well enough that they can hear me out and tell me things will be okay. I don't want to have these hangups for forever. I think talking about them will be good.

These things will be okay. I'm not going to let them incapacitate me. I know better what I'm doing. I just have to do right by myself, and others.

The worst thing you could do is leave, when I tell you, "just go"

We both know I don't want you to leave me alone

Untitled, Kate Bollinger